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Bogies being changed at the Mongolian-Chinese border
Seems strange but Russia and Mongolia use different size train tracks from the rest of the world, so before the train can enter China it is hoisted up and the entire undercarriage replaced by a narrower one. Even more strange was the fact that we were locked into our carriage for the 4 hours this operation took with the toilets out of order - time to practice our meditation exercises - 'ommmmm' |
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Travelling in style
Or 'The Journey from Hell!' Note to self - don't travel to the capital of the most populous country in the world the day before the National Day holiday... Assuming we could upgrade to sleeper once we got on the train from Jining to Beijing we were sorely disappointed to be greeted by a 'Mei You' - No! So we spent the 7 hour overnight journey packed into the cattle truck compartment with one chair between us and with people stacked in the standing room only space like sardines. Ever the gentleman, Magnus took the seat while Cheryl luxuriated in the comfortable sleeping quarters UNDER the seat. |
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Cool travellers chillin' after a groovy day in China
Or so it would seem...but viewer, look a little closer at the apparel of these apparently trendy sophists - something seems ... not quite right, doesn't it? That's it! They are all wearing corporate Razorfish t-shirts. How sad. |
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Where's Waldo?
Trapped on the wrong side of a bizarrely arbitrary line of crack Chinese military troops, Robert and Magnus look forlornly across the Tiananmen Sq. towards Cheryl who 'made it' to the inner sanctum. She never saw them again... |
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How to make friends and influence people
Step 1: Don't walk into a suave coffee bar, approach the table sporting a posh 'fish-in-a-wine-glass' concept, slam into the table and send fish and glass flying. Here Cheryl and Robert recreate the terrible sequence of events (please note: no fish were harmed during the filming of this scene) |
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Is that the world under your paw or are you just pleased to see me?
In the magnificent Forbidden City of the Chinese Emperors, a giant lion on either side of an entrance to a temple symbolises the power and majesty of the Emperor (or so Robert told us, possessed as he was by the voice of the audio tour presenter, Roger Moore of James Bond fame!) - isn't it superb?! |
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Singing in the rain (but it isn't raining?!)
In the courtyard of the Temple of Unendingly Forgettable Names Cheryl shelters from the sweltering sun under her brolly - the impartial narrator would like to note that she looks really cute! |
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Hmm, what to choose - grasshopper, scorpion or giant beetle?!
A visit to the Donganmen Night Market brought us face to face with bustling Chinese street food: dumplings, noodles, deep fried ice-cream as well as the more exotic bug-based munchees. Here we honed our bartering skills; Cheryl managed to bargain dumplings for Robert UP from 6 to 9 Yuan - nice work CT! Despite not feeling 100%, Robert joined Magnus munching on a stick of 3 deep fried scorpions (they're not a protected species are they?!). Hmm, crunchy, kind of like a brandy snap - but not as sweet! |
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The Summer Palace
The Emperor's summer retreat and the site of some of the slowest boating ever seen - the boat we hired was powered by what must have been a couple of AA batteries better suited to a personal stereo. Road-rage at 1mph was the result! |
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Licence Revoked
International photograph superstar (and self-confessed Roger Moore nut) Robert Marshall is overjoyed to be handed his plane tickets by a passer by ("Is your name 'Marshall'?") 10 minutes after dropping them on the ground. Given that the Summer Palace on National Holiday weekend must be one of the most packed places on the planet, this was some stroke of luck. Magnus adds to his humiliation with the 'reverse-loser' sign - nice work! |
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WATCH OUT FOR THE BRIDGE! |
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Dry martini, shaken...
Robert's fantasies of a playboy life on his speedboat take over for a second. Nice cruising style, though. |
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Ooh, a nice cup of tea - lovely!
Chinese opera is traditionally performed in old teahouses. So it was here as we supped on fine jasmine tea and nibbled on snacks in a gorgeously restored traditional teahouse, blissfully unaware of the assault on the senses that was about to follow. |
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Opera, Chinese style
Amidst a torrent of clashing cymbals, shrieking chanters and sawing bows this frightening looking gentlemen - particularly disturbing Magnus with his striking resemblance to a former Eastern European colleague - with staring eyes, huge red beard and an oddly high singing voice acted out a ritualised form of theatre. Following scenes included an impressively acrobatic rendition of the legend of Monkey in the Kingdom of Heaven and a strangely squeaky voiced lady. We had absolutely no idea what was going on but could feel the raw culture coursing through our veins! |
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The Great Wall of China
About 100km north of Beijing, one of the most famous sites in the world. And the best part? The reality completely blows away all expectations - the Great Wall has to be seen to be believed! |
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Easier if you've seen the Disney cartoon Mulan
Imagine if you will the lonely guard sitting pensively in his tower gazing out towards the Mongolian plains, searching for but hoping not to see the distant dust cloud which would indicate an approaching attack from the 'Golden Hordes' of the Hun. He has only a pile of wolf dung to light as a warning to the next tower by way of company. You would expect that this flight of fancy would keep you occupied for 2-3 minutes ... OK 5 tops, right? Impressive that Robert managed to keep this fantasy up for over an hour! Way to go Robert! |
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Robert The Great
Having repulsed the hordes of Chinggis Khan, Robert lets out a victorious whoop before leading his band of troops back towards Beijing for a celebratory KFC. |
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Walking the wall
The wall makes no effort to keep level, moulding itself to the hills it runs across. The result is that walking the wall is exhausting - the trail runs up and down constantly across some steep terrain. It is, however, an ultimate hiking experience: in the process of walking through some gorgeous countryside there is a deeper feeling that must be similar to going inside the Great Pyramid - being right in the middle of an ancient marvel of civilisation. WOWSER! |
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